Thursday, June 6, 2013


I've lived too many heartbreaks.   Ive known the loss of my grandmother that i dearly loved, and then my grandfather as a child, a close friend as a teen, puppy love crushed to nothing, real love and marriage broken and shredded into nothingness.  I lost my parents when they were young..and after, I never felt good enough to be part of  my family...25 years was a long time between visits.  I have known the deep heartache of a friends betrayal.   

Not long ago I thought those heartaches  healed; but as I've let God into my life more and more, I realize those old heartbreaks, healed, twisted and angry...I swallowed biterness instead of forgiveness and hardened my heart like Pharaoh to the Israelites.  I have grown in God, continue to grow and learn from His word, and I am learning to be more trusting in Him, to know His love,  His grace and mercy.  He has healed those old heartaches with new and different ones, those things that break His heart; the orphan, the soldiers widow, the sex trafficking victim struggling to know a better world, the hungry and homeless,the abused and neglected dog.

A doctor will sometimes re-break a bone to set it right, especially where it causes distress and pain. I have known God to do the same, to re-break the heart over and over and over to something new and fresh each time. My heart breaks for the sadness and disarray of this broken world.  That raises a question for me then.  How can I, in all MY brokenness be a light in a world already broken?.  As I ask, I already see the answer, in nail-scarred hands, and an old rugged cross that set me free.