Abbie is sitting on the back of the couch grumbling as she watches the squirrels chase each other through the cool September morning. I am recovering from a bit of a nasty cold. a couple of years back, I would not have let the cold stop me, I would still have gone to the gym, taken the dogs for a walk, cleaned the house and done all the laundry yesterday. But I have learned that rest is a good thing, for the body, the mind, and the soul. Yesterday, after a couple errands and a little light housecleaning, I spent the rest of the day mostly resting, reading, contemplating.
Last January, I lost the job I had been with for 11 years, and a time of rest, trust, but definite difficulty began for me. I remember telling Pastor Michael that this was a God thing. I knew I needed to get out of my job for things had changed in the last couple of years, and for many reasons the company morale, and mine, started sinking. but God is faithful, and I think he picked me up out of that situation, and gave me a time of rest. My severance pay carried me thru until Mid July. During this time I experienced a lot of difficult things which challenged me both emotionally and spiritually. Though it all, even though I sometimes questioned God, I always kept my story straight, knowing He was working behind the scenes. I never lost my faith and trust in him.
Spring forward to the beginning of June and I finally got a new job. I was elated, the salesperson, otherwise known as Vice President of Development convinced me how great the opportunities for growth were and how quickly they would come about, you see she confided in me,we many things in the works and the company is well known.
Little did I know that the company was a sinking ship barely able to meet payroll and other obligations, and over the course of the next three months it progressively got worse. On two occasions I didn't get paid on time, and it seems my bills would have to take a seat behind the ever growing bills and unpaid bills of the company. The attitude with which my employer presented this to me was unconscionable. I hope I never have to experience an employer upset that I am upset for not getting paid on time.
I held on because, I did after all manage to get my check, which I needed. But I knew in my heart that this was only a stepping stone, that God had plans, and that I was there, right where I was supposed to be.
Don't get me wrong, there were many days where I melted down and asked Him why this was happening. There were many times I cried and got angry for being in this difficult situation. But at the end of the day, I knew He was working in the background....just not at the pace I wanted Him too....have you ever noticed that God doesn't do it on our schedule? Funny thing is, because He doesn't adhere to our schedule, better, brighter things come along.
A few weeks ago, the employment market started breaking open, and I was getting a lot of phone calls. I have continued to look for another job knowing that this was not the place where I was esupposed to be long term. I started interviewing. One job in particular that I had hoped would work out has continued their lengthy process of interviewing and testing me and I know that I am one of their 2 top candidates right now. I laughed at this, thinking, "so this is where you are putting me, huh God."
To my surprise I was contacted by another company, interviewed, and was offered the job less than a day after I interviewed. The funny thing is I like this job as much if not more than the other. I prayed, I accepted, and I laughed at the way God sometimes works in our lives.
I don't know if this is my dream job, or if this is where God is going to land me as a long term job. What I do know, and have learned through these last months is this, God works in His way, in His time, and at the end of the day, it is ultimately better for us then anything we could have planned for ourselves.
I know this, more than I have ever known, and having seen it, in real time, and real circumstance, it is up to me to ever trust my Heavenly Father, and even when I fail to feel it, continuing to do those disciplines like prayer, and Bible reading, and studying, are so important in keeping us connected to Him. Being connected to God allows the river of trust and faith to flow freely. More importantly even than all of that, RESTING in His Presence, will bring hope in darkness.
I am blessed to have a Faithful, Loving and Forgiving God. I am blessed to have my eyes opened to how amazing He truly is. Watching life unfold in my friends and family, and in myself, has blessed me beyond any vision I could have had.
L
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
Growing
I have several hanging and potted plants on my patio. I love the lush greens of ferns, and how a cliff hanger fern has red-brown vines that curl up into a spiral. I love the texture and lighter green of an asparagus fern; the delicate leaves of a friendship fern and the variegated leaves of spider plants. Each type of ivy is different than the next, sometimes I have trouble distinguishing the varieties as being ivy.
Something that always amazes me about plants is how they grow in spurts. There is a time when the plants on my patio all go dormant. They still show their beautiful greenery and rich vines, but they don't grow. Even though they receive the same elements of sunshine and water, there are seasons when they lay dormant. At least on the outside. The reality is that the dormant seasons are seasons of rest and recuperation. Storing up the necessities to grow later when the sun is warmer and the days longer and fuller.
I think that those who follow God are a lot like that too. There are times when I don't see or feel myself growing, times when I feel stagnant in my growth in God, but there are other times, when I grow by leaps and bounds. It is when I am growing by leaps and bounds that I realize that I never stopped growing in God at all, but I was being prepared for the spurts of growth that would be visible to me.
God moves us each through those times where growth isn't visible. Underneath the surface though, and many times without our realizing it, God is stretching us in new ways, deepening our roots in trust, understanding and faith.
There was a time not very long ago where I no longer heard God. I wasn't getting much out of the sermons, I felt empty in my ministry. It wasn't until later that I realized, through a lot of prayer and working with my mentor that God wasn't going to treat me like a newborn baby anymore and that it was time for me to be still and know that He was there, even though I didn't see Him working in me or in my life.
Today, 8 weeks into unemployment and at a very frightening time in my life, I am watching myself grow in leaps and bounds in my relationship with God. God's glorious, and vital sunlight is reaching deep into my soul, deepening the very roots of my faith, teaching me that His love and mercy is always there for me. Even in my self-induced darkness, I can see through the light of His amazing love and grace.
Even though I am concerned today of what may lay ahead in my future unless I soon get a new job, I am growing in God's word, in the lessons that He has for me. I am recognizing those things about myself that He wants me to change. I have a deeper faith. My heart beats for God. I recognize that the time that I wasn't feeling in touch with God was a time He wanted me to rest in Him, where I could store up those vital nutrients of faith and trust and stretch upward against the soil to burst forth into His amazing grace.
Heavenly Father, sometimes the lesson isn't learned until the class is finished and the test is done, and finally...finally I get it. Sometimes, I don't see where you are taking me, and sometimes, I don't see you there at all. But I know this, you promised that you would never leave me, and I believe you. Forgive me Father when I fail to trust you. Forgive this broken woman when my heart tells me you have left me. Shower wisdom on my heart God that I may know that even when my heart feels abandoned, that my mind would take over and remind my heart that you will never leave me.
Thank you Father, for you are an amazing God. You are my sunshine, my strength, my provision, you are my heartbeat, my everlasting love. You are my God.
Amen.
Something that always amazes me about plants is how they grow in spurts. There is a time when the plants on my patio all go dormant. They still show their beautiful greenery and rich vines, but they don't grow. Even though they receive the same elements of sunshine and water, there are seasons when they lay dormant. At least on the outside. The reality is that the dormant seasons are seasons of rest and recuperation. Storing up the necessities to grow later when the sun is warmer and the days longer and fuller.
I think that those who follow God are a lot like that too. There are times when I don't see or feel myself growing, times when I feel stagnant in my growth in God, but there are other times, when I grow by leaps and bounds. It is when I am growing by leaps and bounds that I realize that I never stopped growing in God at all, but I was being prepared for the spurts of growth that would be visible to me.
God moves us each through those times where growth isn't visible. Underneath the surface though, and many times without our realizing it, God is stretching us in new ways, deepening our roots in trust, understanding and faith.
There was a time not very long ago where I no longer heard God. I wasn't getting much out of the sermons, I felt empty in my ministry. It wasn't until later that I realized, through a lot of prayer and working with my mentor that God wasn't going to treat me like a newborn baby anymore and that it was time for me to be still and know that He was there, even though I didn't see Him working in me or in my life.
Today, 8 weeks into unemployment and at a very frightening time in my life, I am watching myself grow in leaps and bounds in my relationship with God. God's glorious, and vital sunlight is reaching deep into my soul, deepening the very roots of my faith, teaching me that His love and mercy is always there for me. Even in my self-induced darkness, I can see through the light of His amazing love and grace.
Even though I am concerned today of what may lay ahead in my future unless I soon get a new job, I am growing in God's word, in the lessons that He has for me. I am recognizing those things about myself that He wants me to change. I have a deeper faith. My heart beats for God. I recognize that the time that I wasn't feeling in touch with God was a time He wanted me to rest in Him, where I could store up those vital nutrients of faith and trust and stretch upward against the soil to burst forth into His amazing grace.
Heavenly Father, sometimes the lesson isn't learned until the class is finished and the test is done, and finally...finally I get it. Sometimes, I don't see where you are taking me, and sometimes, I don't see you there at all. But I know this, you promised that you would never leave me, and I believe you. Forgive me Father when I fail to trust you. Forgive this broken woman when my heart tells me you have left me. Shower wisdom on my heart God that I may know that even when my heart feels abandoned, that my mind would take over and remind my heart that you will never leave me.
Thank you Father, for you are an amazing God. You are my sunshine, my strength, my provision, you are my heartbeat, my everlasting love. You are my God.
Amen.
Monday, March 12, 2012
God truly does work in ways we cannot comprehend. This morning reading my devotional it talked of how mouthing the words "I trust you" to God while at the same time frantically trying to control a situation is sendng exactly the opposite message and saying "I don't trust you to take care of this."
I am never truly surprised by how God shows me and teach me. Sometimes, my daily devotional seems like it was written by God, for me alone. So often the message I read in the morning is a gentle reminder of how many ways I failed to do as I should, and trust in God, or hope in God, or just let go of my need to control a situaton.
These last two months, in particular, have been difficult at best. The enemy has his sights on me and attacks me on a never ending basis. Yet, as I look back over things that have happened over this time period, I see God in all of it. Hindsight is always the best viewpoint, but the truth is, that by looking back, we can learn more about trusting God in the difficult times ahead.
Even though I say I trust God, my actions don't always give God that message. It is easy to trust Him when everything is sailing along smoothly, but when the storms come, we desperately want to take the helm and steer in the direction WE think is best...sometimes God just says, "go ahead and let me know how that works out for you."
Following and trusting God takes a conscious effort. We need to be mindful and stay present and focused on Him, then, when the storm comes it is easier to let God take the helm and steer you out of the storm as only He can do.
I know that this is so much more difficult to do than to say. In looking back over the last month and knowing God was in every situation and taking care of things in His way, I hope that I can be more mindful each day to keep myself focused on Him, and learn to wait patiently in His presence.
Heavenly Father, teach me to look to you in all things. To bend my knee when I feel the need to take control, and to pray to you for your guidance and mercy. God, you are so good to me, and I fail in so many ways to be who you want me to be. Still, I am grateful, Father, that your grace is so amazing. Grateful that regardless of who I was or how I have failed today, that tomorrow you will still love me and carry me.
Amen.
I am never truly surprised by how God shows me and teach me. Sometimes, my daily devotional seems like it was written by God, for me alone. So often the message I read in the morning is a gentle reminder of how many ways I failed to do as I should, and trust in God, or hope in God, or just let go of my need to control a situaton.
These last two months, in particular, have been difficult at best. The enemy has his sights on me and attacks me on a never ending basis. Yet, as I look back over things that have happened over this time period, I see God in all of it. Hindsight is always the best viewpoint, but the truth is, that by looking back, we can learn more about trusting God in the difficult times ahead.
Even though I say I trust God, my actions don't always give God that message. It is easy to trust Him when everything is sailing along smoothly, but when the storms come, we desperately want to take the helm and steer in the direction WE think is best...sometimes God just says, "go ahead and let me know how that works out for you."
Following and trusting God takes a conscious effort. We need to be mindful and stay present and focused on Him, then, when the storm comes it is easier to let God take the helm and steer you out of the storm as only He can do.
I know that this is so much more difficult to do than to say. In looking back over the last month and knowing God was in every situation and taking care of things in His way, I hope that I can be more mindful each day to keep myself focused on Him, and learn to wait patiently in His presence.
Heavenly Father, teach me to look to you in all things. To bend my knee when I feel the need to take control, and to pray to you for your guidance and mercy. God, you are so good to me, and I fail in so many ways to be who you want me to be. Still, I am grateful, Father, that your grace is so amazing. Grateful that regardless of who I was or how I have failed today, that tomorrow you will still love me and carry me.
Amen.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Allowing God to Work Miracles
November 30 2011
The redwood trees in my front yard pull a cloak of fog and mist tight against their boughs. The wind is beginning to pick up and will soon blow the shroud of fog and mist away. Oak leaves float by the window like snow, dancing on the breeze, spiraling downward, carpeting the ground is drifts of vibrant color.
Of late, I have been almost consumed with problems, more of my own making than anything. Problems that exist, certainly, but that grow like a well-tended fire, my mind playing with what ifs instead of letting go and relying on God to handle the situation.
I know that it is silly, futile, to hold on to problems. To worry is a waste of time and energy and a separation from God. Worry is the fear of unknown and fear is a lie. God’s arm is too long and too strong for any problem to be beyond His ability to reach and repair.
And yet, I hold on.
This last Sunday a member of our church reminded us during testimony in service of how she held on to so many things because she, like all of us, felt the need to be in control. I laughed inside at that, not at her or her situation, but at myself, because we all do that. I hold on to problems and worries trying to fix what only God has the power to fix.
As she learned, by letting go, and letting God the blessings and hopes she had tried to manipulate and control seemed to appear almost overnight. God had been in the background all along and was waiting only for her to surrender so that He could work through her to create exactly the miracles and blessings that she was worried about.
That’s how God works most of the time. He comes in quiet, stealth, God doesn’t push, He nudges and He waits for our surrender so that He can work His miracles and blessings through us. Marianne Williamson put it this way in “Everyday Grace”
“He cannot do for us, what He cannot do through us.”
I think of this quote often because it holds such amazing truth, and yet, even though these words inspire me, I forget them, or at the very least, fail to apply the truth of them to my own life.
It is in our willingness to believe in His unlimited power, that miracles happen and miracles happen every day. The miracle may be just a small nudge from God, a thought that sweeps through us bringing light to the situation; it may be the blessing of a job, or a bill that was reduced, almost magically, because the electric company made a mistake. It can be anything, but rest assured, miracles happen, every single day.
We hold onto our problems and our worries, hoarding them like we would a coveted prize; we feed the fire of worry by dwelling on the problem instead of resting in God; we try to manipulate the “fix” and change the world to our needs and wants instead of letting go of the branch and dancing with the wind, allowing God to show us His design for us. Like the oak leaf that God designed to change color and to light the world with its dance, we must allow His design for our lives to fill the world with the rich and vibrant color of the miracles He works through us.
“He cannot do for us, what He cannot do through us.”
Words to remember.
The redwood trees in my front yard pull a cloak of fog and mist tight against their boughs. The wind is beginning to pick up and will soon blow the shroud of fog and mist away. Oak leaves float by the window like snow, dancing on the breeze, spiraling downward, carpeting the ground is drifts of vibrant color.
Of late, I have been almost consumed with problems, more of my own making than anything. Problems that exist, certainly, but that grow like a well-tended fire, my mind playing with what ifs instead of letting go and relying on God to handle the situation.
I know that it is silly, futile, to hold on to problems. To worry is a waste of time and energy and a separation from God. Worry is the fear of unknown and fear is a lie. God’s arm is too long and too strong for any problem to be beyond His ability to reach and repair.
And yet, I hold on.
This last Sunday a member of our church reminded us during testimony in service of how she held on to so many things because she, like all of us, felt the need to be in control. I laughed inside at that, not at her or her situation, but at myself, because we all do that. I hold on to problems and worries trying to fix what only God has the power to fix.
As she learned, by letting go, and letting God the blessings and hopes she had tried to manipulate and control seemed to appear almost overnight. God had been in the background all along and was waiting only for her to surrender so that He could work through her to create exactly the miracles and blessings that she was worried about.
That’s how God works most of the time. He comes in quiet, stealth, God doesn’t push, He nudges and He waits for our surrender so that He can work His miracles and blessings through us. Marianne Williamson put it this way in “Everyday Grace”
“He cannot do for us, what He cannot do through us.”
I think of this quote often because it holds such amazing truth, and yet, even though these words inspire me, I forget them, or at the very least, fail to apply the truth of them to my own life.
It is in our willingness to believe in His unlimited power, that miracles happen and miracles happen every day. The miracle may be just a small nudge from God, a thought that sweeps through us bringing light to the situation; it may be the blessing of a job, or a bill that was reduced, almost magically, because the electric company made a mistake. It can be anything, but rest assured, miracles happen, every single day.
We hold onto our problems and our worries, hoarding them like we would a coveted prize; we feed the fire of worry by dwelling on the problem instead of resting in God; we try to manipulate the “fix” and change the world to our needs and wants instead of letting go of the branch and dancing with the wind, allowing God to show us His design for us. Like the oak leaf that God designed to change color and to light the world with its dance, we must allow His design for our lives to fill the world with the rich and vibrant color of the miracles He works through us.
“He cannot do for us, what He cannot do through us.”
Words to remember.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Prayer
A couple of pics, and a prayer that has been on my mind.
This next picture brings to mind a friend of mine that I know loves her garden. I just liked the whole ambience of the photo. It also reminds me of a prayer that I have been working on. Still sort of a rough draft, but a prayer I like to keep in mind.
Heavenly Father,
Faithful love.
This next picture brings to mind a friend of mine that I know loves her garden. I just liked the whole ambience of the photo. It also reminds me of a prayer that I have been working on. Still sort of a rough draft, but a prayer I like to keep in mind.
Heavenly Father,
Please take from me all those things that bind me to the past,
Take from me the hurts and the pains, take my sorrows, everything that holds me
Prisoner to the ways of this world.
Give to me instead wings of kindness and compassion, love.
Teach me to soar on the winds of your mercy and grace
And to shine your light on others.
Let me be the hands and feet of your
Faithful love.Give me a heart that is pure, steadfast;
A heart that aches to serve you,
To pursue you,
To live you,
and in all things
To trust you.
Let me be an example that
shows someone else
The love and peace that you have given me,
That they might know you
Through the light you shine in me.
Amen.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Candle
Light a candle in a room with the doors and windows closed, without any movement of air, and it will burn straight upward towards the heavens. From across that same room, gently, slowly, sweep your arm, and watch as a few seconds later, the shift in the air current reaches the candle, the flame wavers, flickers, curves and dances with the change of the air current.
If you put your hand into a glass bowl of clean, clear water, you can see the change in hydrology. As your hand breaks the surface, the water flows outward. Like the movement of the water, change the shift of the air current, the flame responds.
God feeds us and teaches us differently, at different times, in different ways. What may break me and bring me to my knees in pain and fervent prayer, testing the strength of my flame of faith, may barely break the air current of yours. He comes to us according to His desires for us, not ours. He teaches us using whatever it is in our lives that make us weak or strong, depending on where we are for Him in our faith at the time. He changes us using those currents in our lives, those things that will reach us, teach us, stay with us.
Sometimes, even in a room without movement, a candle flame will flicker and wave. The wick is too long, too much fluff. Trimming the wick, it returns to it's natural state, burning upwards.
Our lives are no different, we like to keep the "fluff" closely guarded, close to our hearts: that extra stuff that stands in the way of our burning pure for God. But God is wise, and His loving hand reaches down and moves the current, sometimes ever so gently, sometimes not so gentle, and we waver in the current shift and we are reminded that the "fluff" has no place in our faith and place with God. Trimming our wicks, our fluff, brings strength to the flame of our faith and, like the candle flame, we burn pure and upward.
As I am sitting here contemplating the stillness of a candle flame, one of my dogs, jumps down from the couch. The candle is on top of the table, but even that downward motion of air has reached the candle testing its flame.
The key isn't to living in a room with closed doors and windows and keeping motion limited so as not to disrupt the flame, but rather keeping our wicks trimmed, faithfully burning, curving, dancing in the motion of life, flickering ever upward, towards God.
If you put your hand into a glass bowl of clean, clear water, you can see the change in hydrology. As your hand breaks the surface, the water flows outward. Like the movement of the water, change the shift of the air current, the flame responds.
God feeds us and teaches us differently, at different times, in different ways. What may break me and bring me to my knees in pain and fervent prayer, testing the strength of my flame of faith, may barely break the air current of yours. He comes to us according to His desires for us, not ours. He teaches us using whatever it is in our lives that make us weak or strong, depending on where we are for Him in our faith at the time. He changes us using those currents in our lives, those things that will reach us, teach us, stay with us.
Sometimes, even in a room without movement, a candle flame will flicker and wave. The wick is too long, too much fluff. Trimming the wick, it returns to it's natural state, burning upwards.
Our lives are no different, we like to keep the "fluff" closely guarded, close to our hearts: that extra stuff that stands in the way of our burning pure for God. But God is wise, and His loving hand reaches down and moves the current, sometimes ever so gently, sometimes not so gentle, and we waver in the current shift and we are reminded that the "fluff" has no place in our faith and place with God. Trimming our wicks, our fluff, brings strength to the flame of our faith and, like the candle flame, we burn pure and upward.
As I am sitting here contemplating the stillness of a candle flame, one of my dogs, jumps down from the couch. The candle is on top of the table, but even that downward motion of air has reached the candle testing its flame.
The key isn't to living in a room with closed doors and windows and keeping motion limited so as not to disrupt the flame, but rather keeping our wicks trimmed, faithfully burning, curving, dancing in the motion of life, flickering ever upward, towards God.
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