Renewal

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will."  Romans 12:2

Have you ever noticed how many scriptures you read in the Bible that talk about renewal, transformation, being new?  The moon is new each quarter; in the fall and winter, plants fade off and seem to die, by pruning them, those same plants and flowers will renew and transform into their God given beauty in the spring and summer.

I think God wants us to be like that.  Continually renewing ourselves in Him.  In her book "Jesus Calling," Sarah Young, writing as the voice of God, says:

"Refresh yourself in the Peace of My Presence.  This Peace can be your portion at all times and in all circumstances."

Oh how amazing it is to KNOW that in each and every way, no matter what struggles are going on in our lives, no matter the heartbreak we might face, no matter how BIG something may seem, God promises us that we can always find Peace in Him, we only need to seek His presence.

Heavenly Father, Thank You.  Thank you for the peace that you give to me in my life; thank you for reminding me to daily renew myself in Your Presence.  Thank you for loving me, and reminding me each and every day, that being in Your Presence, makes You happy.  It certainly makes me happy too!

Amen

One of those defining moments

“You Lord, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you.: Isaiah 26:3


It was one of those defining moments when something small grabs your attention and the impact it has brings you to your knees.

My little dog Abbie is a miniature long-haired dachshund, red, adorable, sweet and funny. A few weeks ago she started suffering from really dry skin and has been scratching herself a lot.

About 4 this morning, she started scratching and wouldn’t stop, waking me up. After a few mins of her continuing I got frustrated and just sort of jumped out of bed without taking a moment or two to wake up. So, now I’m up early and grumpy.

After I fed the dogs, Abbie wouldn’t eat her food, so I was fighting with the other two dogs to keep them out of her bowl and finally just gave up and put her bowl up. Abbie was still scratching so I decided Benadryl was in order. Well that turned into a small struggle.

You know how when you sometimes drink a soda and someone makes you laugh it goes up your nose and it hurts and burns? Well apparently that’s what happened, only with the Benadryl. So now my dog is choking, foaming at the mouth and in general freaking out because the Benadryl has gone up her nose and she is not happy. The hiccups ensued, followed by dry heaves. OK. I’m done. I get my coffee and sit down on the couch with her on my lap and spent the next 30 minutes trying to calm her.

As she was laying there, her sweet little head resting against my shoulder, she started to calm down. The more she calmed down the more I calmed down; and the more I calmed down, the louder I heard God talking to me. You see, to me, Dogs are truly little angels sent from God. This morning was a perfect example of that. As Abbie lay there in my arms, I realized that, even though I started the morning off grumpy with her, frustrated, and upset, here she was, not hiding from me, but laying in my lap, letting me love her, letting me care for her. Her unconditional love for me, even in my mess up, is a reminder of God’s amazing and unconditional love. His love for me is limitless. Even when I mess up, God loves me.

Some pretty amazing things have been going on in my heart and my life lately, and I feel hear and see God working in me. As I was driving to work after all this, my eyes started filling with tears, and my heartstrings were being gently tugged. I thought about the morning and was reminded that I have always been a very tender hearted person, and yet, I have had to, or at least I thought I had to, had a little bit of a rough exterior. In the past this has served as my armor to shelter me from hurt.

But there is this new Linda emerging. A woman that God is redefining, molding into the woman He wants me to be. Not the mold other people want me to fit in; not the mold of the woman I want to be; but the mold of the woman that my Heavenly Father wants me to be.

There is a new gentleness of spirit in my heart today, a spirit that God is working on. I have seen a simple gracefulness emerging in my heart. It isn’t something born of weariness or defeat, rather, born of the struggles that I know God has allowed me to bear because He needs me to be strong. It is this new woman that is emerging that reminds me that in everything, God is good and He will Love me and see me through. Armed with God now, I am little by little, becoming New.

Heavenly Father, thank you for this morning. Thank you for reminding me that even when I mess up that you love me. Thank you for reminding me that you are working in my heart and in my life, and that you are redefining who I am. Thank you for teaching me that all of my struggles are opportunities to grow; that failure is nothing but perspective, and that, in all things, if I arm myself with Your Love, and trust in You my life will continue to grow, and I pray that because of what you have done in my life, I will help to plant the seed of You in the hearts of others.

Amen.

Psalm 23

More and more I am finding what it means to find God in the Bible. Reading this Psalm reminds me.

This has been a difficult week, filled with disappointment and trials, and has left me weary, tired, saddened. 

I have struggled much of this week with arrogant and aggressive people.  People who find pleasure with creating drama.  People who gossip and spread that gossip like wildfire, never giving a moment's thought to the destructive nature of their actions, not caring who or what lies in the path.  In fact, finding joy in the pain that it causes.  They often try to drag me into their games and drama; I become subject of their gossip; their ability to rile me because of my sensitive nature is a game they have thrived on for years.  My walk with God lately has taught me to stay away from and remain indifferent to their plots to "rule the game," which has just given them more fuel for the fire.  I just want to go about my business, improve myself in all ways, in particular in my walk with God, where I find peace and comfort.  Truth. They cannot accept this from me.

I want to spend time with people from my church, I don't want to spend time with people like this...It is not conducive to my mental or emotional health to be with people who will, in any given conversation, find 10 different ways to demean and persecute me for being who I am; for being different and not fitting the mold they want to pour me into; for not siding with them; for not promoting their cause.  It certainly isn't conducive to my growth in my Faith.  They struggle to be "top dog" in a world where there is no such position.

I find myself tired, drained of energy, in desperate need of renewal.  I succumbed a few times to weakness, allowing the enemy to slip through the gate, I let anger get the better of me by allowing myself to dwell on the pain and disruption that their games cause in my life.  It weakens me.

A friend, Cori, reminds me that "we as women need to stop and just BE and quit trying to control..."

and "Peace in the storm.  You cannot control the storm but He is your provision and protection in any storm."

Cheryl reminds me that "God is in CONTROL"

and AJ directs me to "her favorite promise"

"We know that in everything God works for the good of those that love Him.  They are the people He called because that was His plan."

Yesterday, I had a good workout at the gym, prayer time with God; and let my friends' wonderful advice and Psalm 23 carress my weary soul.

Today, I am renewed.  I have laid down in the green pastures that God has led me to; I have let the still waters of His word restore my weary soul; my life is full.  I have God, I walk with Him and even in my times of weakness, I hear Him calling me: "Linda, Linda, this is the way, follow it.  "

"And the child grew and became strong in spirit; and he lived in the desert until he appeared publicly to Israel. " Luke 1:80.

How like God it is to remind me that in the very ordinariness of human struggle we are surrounded by the extraordinary.

Having raised my children and seen them safely out of the nest, and myself, getting safely out of the trap of a failed and bitter marriage, I struggle with impatience to know God's new purpose for me.  With each season of our lives, I believe that God gives us new purpose.  My season of motherhood and marriage is behind me and there is a new, yet undefined season, waiting for me.

Day after day my life seems to idly meander like a small stream in the midst of a vast forest, weaving in and out of rich foilage and around rocks, never quite getting to where it is going.  I know that in all things, it is in God's time, and yet, I am impatient to know just when is God's time; why is it taking so long, and what do I need to do to hurry it along?

As I read Luke 1:80 last night, it dawned on me with such breathtaking simplicity that in the daily ordinary moment, I am a seed planted in the sweet soil of God's love, and He is waiting on me.  Waiting for me to stretch against this new fabric and reach outward and upward, leaning into His light; Waiting on me to grow and become strong in spirit, then by His will, to lean gracefully into exactly the place where He wants me to be.

Our lives are filled with days, days are filled with moments.  It is our job, and God's passionate wish for us, to fall in love with our moments.  To learn to taste, touch, feel, sing and dance life.  God is everywhere, and finding him in the small daily moments of life teaches us to fall in love with life.

"The Presence of God

I looked a hundred times and all I saw was dust. 
The sun broke through and flecks of gold filled the air."

Mark Nepo.

How do you see

Over the last few Sundays, Pastor Michael has been doing a series of sermons about the names of God. Interesting, to say the least, these names have brought just that much more about God's amazing love and grace into perspective for me. This past Sunday, Ashley Jennings did the sermon, and talked about the name Immanuel. Love that Ashley, you did such an awesome job of reminding us that God is with us.

My favorite of these sermons was a couple weeks ago. We had each received a blank name tag before the serivce began and when Pastor Michael was finished, he asked us to take a few moments to reflect on who God is to us, given the meaning of each of the names we had learned. We then had the opportunity to write that on the name tag and place it on the altar.

As I was having my God Time this morning, I was looking out the window and watching the wind as it tossed tree branches into the air, and then, letting loose, the branches would plunge back down, the force of the fall dropping them low to the ground before another gust would come and throw them back up. Contemplating the names I wrote down on that tag, I realized that we each see and feel a different side of God. For me, God is my provider, my strength, redeemer and my fortress, a safe harbour in a storm.

Watching the storm outside I thought of the internal storms of life that we all face, like tree branches in the storm, we are often tossed into the air into the midst of difficult and trying times. If we cling and hold on too tight, loosing our faith and trust in God, we come crashing to the ground unable to hold on in the terrifying storm, broken fragments of our better selves. As frightening as those stormy trials of our lives are, it is only when we trust in God that we bend and move with the wind as it tosses us about, and rather than crashing to the ground, we move and flow with the wind, and God's Grace blesses us.

In the last few months, I have learned that in turning my trials over to God and trusting in Him to do His Will, my life has been so much more peaceful. The stormy winds and tides have been calmer. It doesn't mean that I don't still have sorrows, or sometimes question God; it certainly doesn't mean that I don't sometimes try to take the ship to steer it through the rolling waters myself, it just means that I have found more peace in trusting God, than I have in myself. I think the more that we bend and move with God the more peace and love we find in our lives.

Mark Nepo wrote:
I envy the tree
how it reaches
but never holds.

I like that. I think I shall try to be more the tree that bends, and allows God to do His will.

Fall

It is 630 pm on an early September evening and I am picking late tomatoes from my garden. The tomatoes didn't do as well as they usually do, the summer was very mild, and not hot enough. But there are cherry tomatoes and big beefy tomatoes, and I am grateful for their sweet and hearty flavor, a wonderful addition to many meals over this past summer.


I have taken down my "easy set" pool because it is not hot enough to use anymore. Leaves are falling off the trees in my front and back yards, a gentle reminder that fall is just around the corner. Halloween; Thanksgiving; Family time; Christmas; a new year; hope.

I will plant some grass seed this fall, trying to grow a heartier and lovelier lawn. I spent a great deal of time this summer killing off weeds and invasive grasses that ruined the lawn, that done, it will soon be ready to be reseeded. I hope to work in the front and back gardens doing some very basic but appealing landscaping.

I have spent time recently purging. Getting rid of the old, refreshing, leaving behind things not used, no longer needed. Wondering at some as to why I ever acquired it. I have taken the step to do the same with my heart and soul. To get rid of the old, leaving behind those things left unused, unwanted.

I have reflected much on the last two years of my life. Life changing experiences, growth. Watching Shawna get her AA, knowing her pursuit for her education will not end there. Kaitie having a baby, me becoming a grandmother; my neice having her first baby and Pammy becoming a grandmother too. I have reunited with my family, brothers and sisters I have not had in my life for a very long time. For whatever reasons, we all found it important this year and have taken strides towards keeping that family base alive and well, including a treat from my younger brother, Doug, who is flying us all out to Chicago in late October to spend a sibling weekend together, celebration of what would have been my mother's 75th birthday. A chance to reacquaint.

I have found a more simple, slower and yet wonderful pace and grace in my life. Settling down into the who of me and digging deep within to find what it is that I want at the stage in my life.

Single, divorced. Grown children. I have a job I love and am grateful for. Yet there is more that I need, want to do, the fiber of my soul is reweaving itself into different directions, a sunflower that bends and reaches towards whatever direction the sun takes. I am reaching out, growing in new directions, and I am being called to something and I am restless to know what God plans for me. It isn't about a new job, but about adding something to my life that I am passionate about and love. I haven't figured what that is yet, knowing God has planned it so that I receive it at the right time.

Later now, Abbie sleeps on my feet on the couch. I have the tv on low, not really watching but watching the night unfold covering the day with a blanket of darkness.

L

REALITY CHECK!

You should go to Stephanie Howell's blog post here and check it out.  Because it's real.  Because it is insightful into who she is and because, just because in my opinion she is right.  We should share the reality of our lives and I really do not like false representations.

So here's a little reality list of my own:

I get up at 500 am in the morning, feed three dogs, drink a cup of coffee, shower, do my makeup, hair and dash off to an 8-9 hour a day job.  5 days a week

I sleep in on the weekends until 630...can't make it past that.

My house is always clean

My laundry is always done

I make my bed everyday.

I always wear makeup

I always do my hair...ok that's not true.  Sometimes I just leave it wet and it get real curly and I straighten my bangs and that's what you get.

I iron my clothes (work clothes) everyday.  I can't help it, it's habit.

I can do these things because I don't have a husband or kids to take care of.  Otherwise, a lot of this would go out the window.

I am 53 and I live alone.  I am single and I am ok with that right now.  Matter of fact, I love it right now.

I get lonely sometimes.  Really lonely.

I go places with my daughter and her friends sometimes....like concerts, hiking.  seriously, it's fun.

I don't cook very much anymore because it's just me.  I don't like that because i love to cook.

My week evenings are pretty much spent cleaning, doing laundry, going to the gym, riding my bicycle and reading.

I facebook too much.

I don't scrap enough.

My scraproom is a disaster.  I clean it up.  Mess it up...and clean it up again.

I spend too much time alone sometimes.  But I really like it.

I talk to my dogs.  All the time. 

My best friend is nothing like me.  She does not do outdoor stuff.  She doesn't scrap...she does make fabulous cards though.  And she is really more like a sister than anything.

I have a really hard time with motivation during the week.

I cannot scrap, practice photography or do anything until all of my "chores" are done.  Now who the hell asssigns me chores?  Me!  Sad that!

I am BORING!  LOL....