Wednesday, September 8, 2010


It is 630 pm on an early September evening and I am picking late tomatoes from my garden. The tomatoes didn't do as well as they usually do, the summer was very mild, and not hot enough. But there are cherry tomatoes and big beefy tomatoes, and I am grateful for their sweet and hearty flavor, a wonderful addition to many meals over this past summer.

I have taken down my "easy set" pool because it is not hot enough to use anymore. Leaves are falling off the trees in my front and back yards, a gentle reminder that fall is just around the corner. Halloween; Thanksgiving; Family time; Christmas; a new year; hope.

I will plant some grass seed this fall, trying to grow a heartier and lovelier lawn. I spent a great deal of time this summer killing off weeds and invasive grasses that ruined the lawn, that done, it will soon be ready to be reseeded. I hope to work in the front and back gardens doing some very basic but appealing landscaping.

I have spent time recently purging. Getting rid of the old, refreshing, leaving behind things not used, no longer needed. Wondering at some as to why I ever acquired it. I have taken the step to do the same with my heart and soul. To get rid of the old, leaving behind those things left unused, unwanted.

I have reflected much on the last two years of my life. Life changing experiences, growth. Watching Shawna get her AA, knowing her pursuit for her education will not end there. Kaitie having a baby, me becoming a grandmother; my neice having her first baby and Pammy becoming a grandmother too. I have reunited with my family, brothers and sisters I have not had in my life for a very long time. For whatever reasons, we all found it important this year and have taken strides towards keeping that family base alive and well, including a treat from my younger brother, Doug, who is flying us all out to Chicago in late October to spend a sibling weekend together, celebration of what would have been my mother's 75th birthday. A chance to reacquaint.

I have found a more simple, slower and yet wonderful pace and grace in my life. Settling down into the who of me and digging deep within to find what it is that I want at the stage in my life.

Single, divorced. Grown children. I have a job I love and am grateful for. Yet there is more that I need, want to do, the fiber of my soul is reweaving itself into different directions, a sunflower that bends and reaches towards whatever direction the sun takes. I am reaching out, growing in new directions, and I am being called to something and I am restless to know what God plans for me. It isn't about a new job, but about adding something to my life that I am passionate about and love. I haven't figured what that is yet, knowing God has planned it so that I receive it at the right time.

Later now, Abbie sleeps on my feet on the couch. I have the tv on low, not really watching but watching the night unfold covering the day with a blanket of darkness.