Thursday, October 3, 2013


Perspective # 1 – the grump.
God, It’s 5:00 a.m.  It’s colder outside this morning and I really needed to sleep in just because I’ve been doing this 5:00 a.m. thing for over 40 years now, with little time off, and almost no vacations.  I’m tired.  When will it be my turn to not have to do this.  To sleep in and go to work when I want.
I’m sore today.  Leg workout Tuesday, ran 3 miles Wednesday.  Why does my old body have to hurt so much when I have taken such good care of it all these years? 
My bills aren’t all paid.  I lost my job a couple years ago, I made good money, had awesome benefits including a great 401K…But the divorce took everything I had.  After I lost my job, got another one that pays a lot less, and God, my bills are not getting paid…I don’t like the people I work for, their expectations are perfection, when I am human.  They are rude to their workers, there is no sense of belonging or accomplishment or fulfillment, and my benefits suck.
The vet wants to see Zack again and check out his heart.  $50.  I don’t have it, not if I am going to get his prescription this month that he has to take twice a day, for the rest of his life.  I don’t have enough money to live on this next week because so many unexpected things already came up.  I can’t buy gas AND groceries.  Where is the money coming from God?    Why is it like this?  Why is my life always about scrambling?
Life is so messy.  God, where are you in my life?
Perspective #2 – the thankful
Good morning God.  I sooooo wanted to sleep in this morning.  It was cold out, and I was snuggled in with the dogs, all comfy and cozy, but I had to get up to go to work.  But God, thanks for a good night sleep and my pups all snuggled in with me.  Thanks for the job.  I know I don’t like who I work for but I try to make the best of it.  I know you have something for me, and that you are working through this difficult job teaching me and training me, and I really do like WHAT I do.  I am soooo grateful that I have a job when there are so many people who don’t.  Thank you Father, for giving me the skills to do this job, to persist, and to be motivated to go to work each day , thanks for the active mind that gets the job done and stays sharp (at least most of the time.)  My benefits aren’t as good as I want.  But I’m fortunate to have an employer who provides them and pays for them. 
Father I’m trying hard to make ends meet and I don’t make enough because my job doesn’t pay near as much as my old job.  Zack needs to go to the vet again, $50, I don’t know where it’s coming from, heck, God, I don’t know how I am going to buy groceries AND gas this next week, just because things came up and I’m going to be so broke, but I know that you will be there, in this situation, and that one way or another, you will see me through this trial.  You ALWAYS do!  God, thanks for loving me and for providing.  I have a home, a comfy bed, heat in the cold, protection from the elements and so much more.  All because of your love.
Thanks for this morning too, the time I get to sit, besties curled up next to me, read your amazing word, and think about it, breathe in the name of Yahweh for a few minutes.  Thanks for always motivating me with your word and your ways to do so, to prepare myself for the long day ahead.  Life gets messy, God, you tell us it will, but your word carries me God.  Your Grace is Sufficient.
I’m sore today.  Leg work out Tuesday, 3 mile run Wednesday.  God I am so grateful that I can still do that at 57.  I’m grateful every single day for a body that can lift weights, workout,  run 3 plus miles and keep going.  I’m grateful because I challenge myself physically to keep being fit because you have blessed me with that gift.  Yeah, I get sore, and I don’t recover like I used to, and there are a few aches and pains, but it is such a good feeling to know that I have strong muscles, that I can take care of me (with your blessings), that I can lift and play with my 4 year old granddaughter.  I can hold my new grandbabies due in a few weeks.  I can move relatively pain free, I can hug my children and my friends.   I love having my health.  God, thank you for that.
By the way, thank you Father.  Your love is so overwhelming sometimes that I stop, in the middle of a task, and have to catch my breath to keep from crying tears of joy.  Thank you for loving me, for forgiving me when I mess up, which I know is a lot.  Thank you for pursuing me.  For showering me with mercy, for your loving grace.  You are so good, God.  And God, I love you.  I really do. 
Love Always

Thursday, June 6, 2013


I've lived too many heartbreaks.   Ive known the loss of my grandmother that i dearly loved, and then my grandfather as a child, a close friend as a teen, puppy love crushed to nothing, real love and marriage broken and shredded into nothingness.  I lost my parents when they were young..and after, I never felt good enough to be part of  my family...25 years was a long time between visits.  I have known the deep heartache of a friends betrayal.   

Not long ago I thought those heartaches  healed; but as I've let God into my life more and more, I realize those old heartbreaks, healed, twisted and angry...I swallowed biterness instead of forgiveness and hardened my heart like Pharaoh to the Israelites.  I have grown in God, continue to grow and learn from His word, and I am learning to be more trusting in Him, to know His love,  His grace and mercy.  He has healed those old heartaches with new and different ones, those things that break His heart; the orphan, the soldiers widow, the sex trafficking victim struggling to know a better world, the hungry and homeless,the abused and neglected dog.

A doctor will sometimes re-break a bone to set it right, especially where it causes distress and pain. I have known God to do the same, to re-break the heart over and over and over to something new and fresh each time. My heart breaks for the sadness and disarray of this broken world.  That raises a question for me then.  How can I, in all MY brokenness be a light in a world already broken?.  As I ask, I already see the answer, in nail-scarred hands, and an old rugged cross that set me free.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

His Goodness Overflowing

This morning, quiet time with God, His goodness spills over, flowing down cheeks etched with a life hard worn, I am counting

Two grandbabies on the way;
my beautiful daughters;
loved beyond measure.

I have known love like never before in this God who does all things good, and keeps promises.  His beauty surrounds me, and I am still counting.