Thursday, December 2, 2010

"And the child grew and became strong in spirit; and he lived in the desert until he appeared publicly to Israel. " Luke 1:80.

How like God it is to remind me that in the very ordinariness of human struggle we are surrounded by the extraordinary.

Having raised my children and seen them safely out of the nest, and myself, getting safely out of the trap of a failed and bitter marriage, I struggle with impatience to know God's new purpose for me.  With each season of our lives, I believe that God gives us new purpose.  My season of motherhood and marriage is behind me and there is a new, yet undefined season, waiting for me.

Day after day my life seems to idly meander like a small stream in the midst of a vast forest, weaving in and out of rich foilage and around rocks, never quite getting to where it is going.  I know that in all things, it is in God's time, and yet, I am impatient to know just when is God's time; why is it taking so long, and what do I need to do to hurry it along?

As I read Luke 1:80 last night, it dawned on me with such breathtaking simplicity that in the daily ordinary moment, I am a seed planted in the sweet soil of God's love, and He is waiting on me.  Waiting for me to stretch against this new fabric and reach outward and upward, leaning into His light; Waiting on me to grow and become strong in spirit, then by His will, to lean gracefully into exactly the place where He wants me to be.

Our lives are filled with days, days are filled with moments.  It is our job, and God's passionate wish for us, to fall in love with our moments.  To learn to taste, touch, feel, sing and dance life.  God is everywhere, and finding him in the small daily moments of life teaches us to fall in love with life.

"The Presence of God

I looked a hundred times and all I saw was dust. 
The sun broke through and flecks of gold filled the air."

Mark Nepo.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

How do you see

Over the last few Sundays, Pastor Michael has been doing a series of sermons about the names of God. Interesting, to say the least, these names have brought just that much more about God's amazing love and grace into perspective for me. This past Sunday, Ashley Jennings did the sermon, and talked about the name Immanuel. Love that Ashley, you did such an awesome job of reminding us that God is with us.

My favorite of these sermons was a couple weeks ago. We had each received a blank name tag before the serivce began and when Pastor Michael was finished, he asked us to take a few moments to reflect on who God is to us, given the meaning of each of the names we had learned. We then had the opportunity to write that on the name tag and place it on the altar.

As I was having my God Time this morning, I was looking out the window and watching the wind as it tossed tree branches into the air, and then, letting loose, the branches would plunge back down, the force of the fall dropping them low to the ground before another gust would come and throw them back up. Contemplating the names I wrote down on that tag, I realized that we each see and feel a different side of God. For me, God is my provider, my strength, redeemer and my fortress, a safe harbour in a storm.

Watching the storm outside I thought of the internal storms of life that we all face, like tree branches in the storm, we are often tossed into the air into the midst of difficult and trying times. If we cling and hold on too tight, loosing our faith and trust in God, we come crashing to the ground unable to hold on in the terrifying storm, broken fragments of our better selves. As frightening as those stormy trials of our lives are, it is only when we trust in God that we bend and move with the wind as it tosses us about, and rather than crashing to the ground, we move and flow with the wind, and God's Grace blesses us.

In the last few months, I have learned that in turning my trials over to God and trusting in Him to do His Will, my life has been so much more peaceful. The stormy winds and tides have been calmer. It doesn't mean that I don't still have sorrows, or sometimes question God; it certainly doesn't mean that I don't sometimes try to take the ship to steer it through the rolling waters myself, it just means that I have found more peace in trusting God, than I have in myself. I think the more that we bend and move with God the more peace and love we find in our lives.

Mark Nepo wrote:
I envy the tree
how it reaches
but never holds.

I like that. I think I shall try to be more the tree that bends, and allows God to do His will.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


It is 630 pm on an early September evening and I am picking late tomatoes from my garden. The tomatoes didn't do as well as they usually do, the summer was very mild, and not hot enough. But there are cherry tomatoes and big beefy tomatoes, and I am grateful for their sweet and hearty flavor, a wonderful addition to many meals over this past summer.

I have taken down my "easy set" pool because it is not hot enough to use anymore. Leaves are falling off the trees in my front and back yards, a gentle reminder that fall is just around the corner. Halloween; Thanksgiving; Family time; Christmas; a new year; hope.

I will plant some grass seed this fall, trying to grow a heartier and lovelier lawn. I spent a great deal of time this summer killing off weeds and invasive grasses that ruined the lawn, that done, it will soon be ready to be reseeded. I hope to work in the front and back gardens doing some very basic but appealing landscaping.

I have spent time recently purging. Getting rid of the old, refreshing, leaving behind things not used, no longer needed. Wondering at some as to why I ever acquired it. I have taken the step to do the same with my heart and soul. To get rid of the old, leaving behind those things left unused, unwanted.

I have reflected much on the last two years of my life. Life changing experiences, growth. Watching Shawna get her AA, knowing her pursuit for her education will not end there. Kaitie having a baby, me becoming a grandmother; my neice having her first baby and Pammy becoming a grandmother too. I have reunited with my family, brothers and sisters I have not had in my life for a very long time. For whatever reasons, we all found it important this year and have taken strides towards keeping that family base alive and well, including a treat from my younger brother, Doug, who is flying us all out to Chicago in late October to spend a sibling weekend together, celebration of what would have been my mother's 75th birthday. A chance to reacquaint.

I have found a more simple, slower and yet wonderful pace and grace in my life. Settling down into the who of me and digging deep within to find what it is that I want at the stage in my life.

Single, divorced. Grown children. I have a job I love and am grateful for. Yet there is more that I need, want to do, the fiber of my soul is reweaving itself into different directions, a sunflower that bends and reaches towards whatever direction the sun takes. I am reaching out, growing in new directions, and I am being called to something and I am restless to know what God plans for me. It isn't about a new job, but about adding something to my life that I am passionate about and love. I haven't figured what that is yet, knowing God has planned it so that I receive it at the right time.

Later now, Abbie sleeps on my feet on the couch. I have the tv on low, not really watching but watching the night unfold covering the day with a blanket of darkness.


Thursday, June 10, 2010


You should go to Stephanie Howell's blog post here and check it out.  Because it's real.  Because it is insightful into who she is and because, just because in my opinion she is right.  We should share the reality of our lives and I really do not like false representations.

So here's a little reality list of my own:

I get up at 500 am in the morning, feed three dogs, drink a cup of coffee, shower, do my makeup, hair and dash off to an 8-9 hour a day job.  5 days a week

I sleep in on the weekends until 630...can't make it past that.

My house is always clean

My laundry is always done

I make my bed everyday.

I always wear makeup

I always do my hair...ok that's not true.  Sometimes I just leave it wet and it get real curly and I straighten my bangs and that's what you get.

I iron my clothes (work clothes) everyday.  I can't help it, it's habit.

I can do these things because I don't have a husband or kids to take care of.  Otherwise, a lot of this would go out the window.

I am 53 and I live alone.  I am single and I am ok with that right now.  Matter of fact, I love it right now.

I get lonely sometimes.  Really lonely.

I go places with my daughter and her friends concerts, hiking.  seriously, it's fun.

I don't cook very much anymore because it's just me.  I don't like that because i love to cook.

My week evenings are pretty much spent cleaning, doing laundry, going to the gym, riding my bicycle and reading.

I facebook too much.

I don't scrap enough.

My scraproom is a disaster.  I clean it up.  Mess it up...and clean it up again.

I spend too much time alone sometimes.  But I really like it.

I talk to my dogs.  All the time. 

My best friend is nothing like me.  She does not do outdoor stuff.  She doesn't scrap...she does make fabulous cards though.  And she is really more like a sister than anything.

I have a really hard time with motivation during the week.

I cannot scrap, practice photography or do anything until all of my "chores" are done.  Now who the hell asssigns me chores?  Me!  Sad that!

I am BORING!  LOL....

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

You Are My Sunshine

When my dd Shawna was born, her Aunt Debbie gave her a little pastel colored clown that had a music box and played "You Are My Sunshine."  I sang it to her all the time when she was little.  Did the same thing when my youngest DD showed up and it has been sort of a tradition with the girls.  They both still love the song, and I still have that adorable clown although he's a little battered and the music box died somewhere along the line. 

Whenever I have my grand daughter Marley Jane, I sing it to her to, as does her mom.  It just sticks, and I love this picture of her first time at the park.  She was cutting a tooth and a little cranky, but she is always up for pics for Nama (me), the sun was shining on that crazy, wild faux hawk of hers too.

This line is by We R Memory Keepers.  I recently found a little treasure of a shop in Sacramento that I had never heard of and although the shop is small, Beverly has a nice selection.  There is a small piece of sass lass in there as well.

So, another milestone today, my dog Max (this pic is when he was a little pooch), turned 11 today.  I have to laugh because this morning he was running around like a 4 month old puppy chasing Abbie and playing with Zack.  He just still has so much puppy in him, even at 11.

And the story behind the pink about 10 years ago when Max was a puppy, my ex husband called me at work one day and the receptionist told me he was on the phone, and she was cracking up because he could barely talk he was laughing so hard.  I get on the phone with him and no kidding he was laughing so hard that it took him 5 minutes to get it out that Max had a pink face.  Now my heart skipped a beat because the night before Shawna had colored her hair this ridiculous shade of red and it turned out pink, and I thought, OMGosh Max got into the trash and got hair color all over him, but nope.  Turns out he ate a paper mache' apple off the Christmas tree, he had it all over the carpet his feet, etc.  My ex snapped this picture after trying to clean him up.  I still have this picture framed at home. 

Any who....not much else going on.  Love getting to have scrappy time during the week.  I feel so much better now that I have my scrap room getting put together.

I'm off to get some work done.

have a great day!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Marley at the park

Life is busy, changing, working too much, stressing too much.  Transisitions are difficult.
I have this baby girl though.  That I am so grateful for.
Lil Ms. Marley Jane at the park this weekend.
She has her first tooth coming in and just let me
tell you,
Still, how can you avoid loving this little face. 
and the hair?


Friday, April 30, 2010

Create the Life You Want

I had to email my girl Heather the day before I posted this.  I mean I didn't want the sweetheart to have a heart attack or anything like that, seeing as this is the SECOND scrap page I have done in a week...I' just saying H.

Anyway, I took these pictures of my dd Shawna down by the American River, found these stunning Graphic 45 papers at a local Beverly's store, and this stunner lo from beckyjune at Two Peas, and, well, it just sorta fell together from there.  I am very happy with the results and it just happened so easily. 

It's funny because usually when I attempt to lift a lo from someone, I end up frustrated because it doesn't look as good, the papers are different and it doesn't all fall together.  But this is a totally different look from Becky's lo and it worked very well.  I'm feeling my mojo coming back.

I have mentioned that almost all of the scrap stores in our area have gone out of business.  I posted a thread in the Two Peas message board asking Sacramento area scrappers where they shop and got a lead on a place (it's a little bit of a drive for me) but it's called Beverly's Unique Scrapbooking.  And Beverly has a very nice selection.  She doesn't have a lot of space so she can't carry a lot but she has a good selection and the only thing I would have to shop on line for most likely is PP.  She doesn't have enough of it but she does have a good selection. 

Not much going on, looking forward to the weekend, some bike riding, visiting my granddaughter, and some gardening, and hopefully some more scrappiness. 

Thanks for visiting, leave me some love.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Blue Eye Girl

Recently my friend Heather purged her scrappy stuff and sent me two huge boxes.  This weekend I had the chance to play and did this lo.  I am sorely disappointed in the scan of it so I think I will take a picture of it and repost it.

My granddaughter, Marley Jane, has such beautiful Blue Eyes.  They are the darker blue eyes, with hints of light grey slowly becoming visible, and they sparkle.  I love her eyes.

It felt good to get scrappy, I have been so busy with Shawna's invitations, working out, riding my bike, and cleaning and organizing my house and scrap space that I haven't really been motivated to scrap a lot.  And when I have wanted to scrap, my mojo was not there.  So it felt good to do this page.

I had a great weekend.  Gym and cleaning and working around the house all Saturday, and on Sunday I did a 32 mile bike ride on the American River Trail.  We are so fortunate here in the Sacramento area to have this trail.  It surrounds the American River and Lake Folsom, so the view is just beautiful in most places.  And if you get tired or just want to stop for awhile, you always have a gorgeous view to look at and a great opportunity to see a lot of our local waterfowl, deer, suicidal squirrels that love to race out in front of the bike, and butterflies galore.  The trail is also used for a great many walking and running events, which is cool too. 

It's back to work today and a full week.  I am amping up for fiscal year close over May - July, and that usually means a lot of stress, overtime and frustration.  But I am determined this year to do my best to stay ahead of the game and not let the frustration get to me, which is difficult because this is also the busiest time of our year for our projects, construction season, and that means engineers lining up at my door for bid packages and contracts.  Yay me!  LOL.

OK nuff of that, Im off to work and hope you all have a fab week.

Hugs. goal date to take a week vacation because by then, I will be exhausted.  LOL..

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Scrappy??? Psyche!!!

Really, the only scrappy stuff I have done lately is this card.  It is a sample of my dd Shawna's graduation invite I am making.  I am going to change the flowers, haven't decided what, Shawna doesn't like that part of it but loves the rest.

She wanted something girlie.  I wanted something girlie, her and simple, because I have lots of them to make by the end of the month. (funky scan, sorry). Inside these I will be putting a couple of pics that I recently took of her.  I think they will be nice.

Next week I am taking a week of vacation.  By the end of May the busiest time of my year will be coming on and I will be slammed and not able to miss any work until about August, which is a drag, but it happens every year.  So this year I decided to get ahead of the game and take a week before it all starts hitting.

I will be getting my scrap on next week, not so much in scrappy stuff as getting my scrap room done.  Yep, finally.  I will paint, put up shelves, get my desk in there, organize and in general spend a lot of time looking over all of my scrapgoodedness and remembering what I have in anticipation of finally getting to play in a room that is totally dedicated to SCRAPPY, CRAFTY, SEWING, PAINTING and just general fun things that I like to do. 

After visiting Donna Downeys site again recently I have decided that I must get into and produce some canvas art for my room.  I am also working on an adorable cross stitch that will go on my wall and
I don't know what it is, it must be from visiting Donna's site, but I am feeling so much like getting back into not clothes, I hate sewing clothes, but things like crafts, curtains for my scraproom, wall hangings, aprons, fun things, including a fabric scrapbook.  I love to visit Donna's blog and website , just so full of inspiration, color, fun!

A while back Heather sent me a wonderful box full of purged goodies, and she just sent me another HUGE box full of papers and alphabets.  Scrappy mail time is so much fun.  I also placed an order for a bunch of stuff on Two Peas, but somehow the order got messed up and now I have had to cancel it.  I guess I will be reordering it next week along with some more stuff.  They have free domestic shipping for all orders $50 or more. 

OK...heading off to go back to work.  Next week, I am going to try to take some pics of things that I am doing, along with some new Marley pics, and possibly, hopefully, I intend to anyway, SCRAPPY STUFF.


Thursday, March 25, 2010

Thursday Links

I haven't posted since last week because I still have nothing scrappy to share (at least not my own). I have been very busy getting my garden ready for planting, going through filing, papers, clothes, and everything else in my house and purging.  Simplify!  That's where I am going right now.  Organization and simplification.  It feels....ummmm, CLEAN.

Last Sunday I went on a hike with my dd Shawna and a group of her friends.  We had an absolute blast, laughed so hard the whole day, and just enjoyed some really great people and times.  The weather was beautiful and so enjoyable.  You can check out the photos from our hike here.

I was viewing the member gallery on Two Peas today for the first time in about a week and I was just floored by these from Tomoko Takahashi:

This Frame

and this one

and this gorgeous lo.

Wow, talk about talent.

While you are there, check out Amber Ulmer newest los of her adorable little girl on her 2peas gallery.

Talking Talent, check out Heather's newest digis.  She is rocking the digis lately and while I was on her blog I discovered these awesome Ali Edwards Brushes from Designer Digitals.  And had to buy them.  Im not a digi lo person, but I have been dabbling in a lot of hybrid stuff, and love using digital elements and brushes like this. 

One more fun link, my friend Allison has a new blog that is so cute.  Go by and say hi to her. 

I am going up to visit Kaitie and Marley Jane tomorrow night, and this weekend is all about gardening, some more cleaning, and a good long and relaxing bike ride on the trail.  What are your plans for this weekend?

That's about all I have for now, enjoy the links and come back for some more posts next week, hopefully I will have something scrappy of my own to share. 


Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Just a quick note to say Happy St. Patrick's Day.  The sun has been shining, I have been getting outdoors when I can.  I am still sick...don't know what's up with that.  Went from a really bad cold that got into my upper respiratory system and now the doc says I have really bad allergies.  Sore throat, coughing, stuffy, and feeling yuck, yuck, yuck.  I think he's says allergies cuz he can't figure it sure doesn't feel like allergies. But in Sacramento, where we have so many trees, and everything is blooming right now, it very well may be.  Ick. 

Anywho...I am just getting from day to day and trying to take it easy and get rest when I get home.  Maybe stress just caught up with me and brought me down.  Whatever it is, I am trying to get well.

Monday I took Kaitie to an appointment and Marley Jane to a doctor's appointment.  Marley, as usual had me laughing so hard I was crying.  She has developed her belly laugh, she smiles a lot, she talks constantly, she sticks her tongue out while talking constantly and smiling, the nurse was even cracking up at her.  The kid thinks she's a comedian.

After a few hours of toting about to different appointments, shopping for Kaitie for some jeans, the little one just fell sound asleep in her stroller.  So cute.

Love this little pic of her that Kaitie took with her Pink Rubber Duckie. 
And just a quick share of a pic of my beautiful dd Shawna.
Have a Fabulous Day.  Hugs

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


I don't have the blog completely set up yet, but this week alone I have had several people ask me when I would get a new one, and what happened to the old one. Most of you know what happened to the old one, we will leave it at that. I am just glad to get a few minutes to get a short post in for my friends....and those that read my blog and don't leave comments (who shall remain nameless), shame on you for not letting me know you care....pouting now...LOL. Well, it is crazy, beautiful, a mess and everything else along with it. Work is busy. Way busy. I haven't been training too much on my cycling because I have had an upper respiratory thing going on for a little over 2 weeks, but feeling much better and I actually took a short 15 mile ride yesterday. It was cold, but it was a good ride.

Ms. Marley Jane is growing like a weed, she's not quite five months old and smiley baby, happy baby. She has discovered how to play with her toes and feet, she is laughing...cracks me up, she is moving around a lot, and now is the time to be very careful about her being on the bed, couch, or making sure you have a firm grip on her while she is in your arms. Apparently, my best friend was holding her the othe day and Marley just arched her back suddenly and almost out of Ann's arms..... Sunday afternoon Shawna and I visited and for Marley Jane, and for her it was all about her tongue...she is currently fascinated with rolling it around in her mouth before sticking it out, bubbles and all. I have a pic of that for another post (because Im at work and don't have a copy of it here.)

This weekend got to go out with Shawna and take some fab photos of her, here is just one, I have some cropping to do and review all of the rest to decide what we keep and what goes. it was fun to spend the day together doing fun stuff, had lunch together, and then visited Kaitie and the baby. We enjoyed it alot.

I have been very scrappy lately, most of which has been for fundraising purposes for the Team in Training. I did a couple of layouts that I am not happy with and so I haven't/won't post. LOL...I hate that. Kaitie likes them though so she will get them for Marley Jane's first year book. I have had several people ask me to make cards for them for friends birthdays and such, and that is good. I like that it keeps me busy and creating even when Im not doing layouts much.

I have been thinking a lot about organization, and getting busy finishing painting and decorating my little duplex. I have been thinking lots and lots about direction; about forward movement. And that's where I'm at. Moving forward. Leaning over the edge, enjoying each minute as it comes.  Grateful for everyday, everything. 

I will be back shortly, and a little at a time I will try to enhance this blog get it looking nice.  For now, thanks for visiting...leave me some love. I love hearing from all of you.