More and more I am finding what it means to find God in the Bible. Reading this Psalm reminds me.
This has been a difficult week, filled with disappointment and trials, and has left me weary, tired, saddened.
I have struggled much of this week with arrogant and aggressive people. People who find pleasure with creating drama. People who gossip and spread that gossip like wildfire, never giving a moment's thought to the destructive nature of their actions, not caring who or what lies in the path. In fact, finding joy in the pain that it causes. They often try to drag me into their games and drama; I become subject of their gossip; their ability to rile me because of my sensitive nature is a game they have thrived on for years. My walk with God lately has taught me to stay away from and remain indifferent to their plots to "rule the game," which has just given them more fuel for the fire. I just want to go about my business, improve myself in all ways, in particular in my walk with God, where I find peace and comfort. Truth. They cannot accept this from me.
I want to spend time with people from my church, I don't want to spend time with people like this...It is not conducive to my mental or emotional health to be with people who will, in any given conversation, find 10 different ways to demean and persecute me for being who I am; for being different and not fitting the mold they want to pour me into; for not siding with them; for not promoting their cause. It certainly isn't conducive to my growth in my Faith. They struggle to be "top dog" in a world where there is no such position.
I find myself tired, drained of energy, in desperate need of renewal. I succumbed a few times to weakness, allowing the enemy to slip through the gate, I let anger get the better of me by allowing myself to dwell on the pain and disruption that their games cause in my life. It weakens me.
A friend, Cori, reminds me that "we as women need to stop and just BE and quit trying to control..."
and "Peace in the storm. You cannot control the storm but He is your provision and protection in any storm."
Cheryl reminds me that "God is in CONTROL"
and AJ directs me to "her favorite promise"
"We know that in everything God works for the good of those that love Him. They are the people He called because that was His plan."
Yesterday, I had a good workout at the gym, prayer time with God; and let my friends' wonderful advice and Psalm 23 carress my weary soul.
Today, I am renewed. I have laid down in the green pastures that God has led me to; I have let the still waters of His word restore my weary soul; my life is full. I have God, I walk with Him and even in my times of weakness, I hear Him calling me: "Linda, Linda, this is the way, follow it. "